They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
