i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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