mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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