you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
