Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What a dumb baby whore.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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