"it" just moved
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone signed my nipple.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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