I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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