I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize