Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My vagina just recognized that song.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
