Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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