Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
