dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
