Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
