i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
