I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
