im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
