I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
