i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
