And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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