do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
