I wish I could punch you in the face.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
