its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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