3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
