I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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