i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
