I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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