Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
