If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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