My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
