ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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