There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
