So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
