My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
