I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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