the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
