I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
