The maid of honor just puked.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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