id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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