Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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