why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
