How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
