I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
