So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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