I look better un-naked...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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