Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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