just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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