I'm gonna have a badass scar
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
