I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
