She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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