Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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