Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
