Can i not drive my cunt home
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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