I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
