I wish I could punch you in the face.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
