nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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