If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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