On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm jealous of your bromance
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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