Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
