Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
