the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
