Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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