just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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