oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
