every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
