you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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