the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
