I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
