then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
