Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
