She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
