May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
