Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
