i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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