You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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