sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
