I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
