my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
