You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
