I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
