I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
